Mook on Recongizing our wretchedness and embracing our awfulness

7, 8 years ago i came to realization: the more people get to know me, the less they like me.

i probably felt it before, but i knew it then. The more people got to know me, the less they liked me.

They began to see the opinions and not just the easy-to-get-along with guy. They saw the serious side, not just the fun side - or vice versa. They had to deal with me and my depression, not just my laughter.
Yes, the more time people spent with me, the less they wanted to. The more they got to know me, the less they liked me.

And for years i have been battling that.
i conferred it with friends. Some verified it, other tried not to give in, just to prove me wrong.
i tried to "escape" the lie. - No, it can't be true! People like me!

But i've realized, this is a losing battle.

And really, i should not be surprised by it.

Why should i be surprised by this?
See, as people get to know me more, the more they see of my filth. That is, my sin.
i can hide my sin a lil bit, but not for long.

Every part of me has been stained by the fall.
i am not utterly completely bad, but i am totally depraved.

Not only that, but i am the product of living in a fallen world.
And people who respond are also fallen.


So... the more people get to know me, the less they tend to like me.

Now, Soo and some other friends perhaps will fight against this. She will affirm and tell me all the things that are good about me.
And it is true, some people like me - even after they get to know me.

But this is just like putting white snow on top of a big pile of poop.
The sin is still there. My fallenness is there.


i know, i know, i've shared this before.

but i'll say it again.

Instead of ignoring all that yuckiness and looking for good. i need to recognize my wretchedness and embrace my awfulness and see how difficult it is to love me. i am not lovely or lovable. i am disgusting and a mess.


The wonder isn't how easy it is for people to stop liking me or get upset with me. The wonder is that i am loved at all!

This is The Gospel.
i need the Gospel.

i am wretched, but God saved me.
i am awful, but i am liked.
i am disgusting, but God delights in me.
i am difficult, but the body of Christ deals with me and helps me.

We need the Gospel in our community. We need to extend the Gospel to others. And we need to embrace the Gospel.
Stop making much of ourselves and start making much of God and His Gospel.

The thing about raising support

i don't really like raising support. It's awkward.
i tend to avoid awkwardness at all costs.
i mean, a lot of us do. That is why guys don't ask their friends out on dates and girls usually don't say yes. It's why we avoid dating in the office-place. It's why guy's don't initiate with other guys. It's why we avoid eye-contact while singing worship songs. It's why we use the bathroom at home and not at a friend's place. It's why we're careful about what subjects we talk about.

And everything about support-raising is awkward. The phone is always awkward. Talking about money is always awkward. Asking people for help is awkward. Let alone, talking to someone you haven't talked to in a long time or a complete stranger.

Most of the time i see support-raising (or MPD) as a necessary nuisance.
It's important.
i need people to pray for me.
And i need people to support us financially - or i don't eat, i don't have a place to live and i can't fly overseas.
We need partners, because we need the body of Christ and we need community.

Still, i wish there was a better way.


Well, that's not true. What i wish for is: An easier way.


Having people support us is a good way, it is God's way.
The body of Christ is supposed to support one another. We give to others also. And we partner with those who give.

Talking with people about what God is doing, sharing our needs, communicating - that's great. People need to know. People can be encouraged. People can be challenged.


So, when i say a better way, what i mean is an easier way. And my way wouldn't be better. It may feel easier, but it probably wouldn't be as effective- and certainly wouldn't be as good.


The time of support-raising feels useless. i would rather be out doing ministry.
But the reality is: this is a ministry. We get to challenge people to give: to give to God's work, to give to needy nations, to give sacrificially, to give joyfully, to give for God's sake and not for themselves, to give for the glory of God.
(i really need to learn how to convey this again and have this attitude).
It is a ministry because we challenge people out of their comfort zones. And we challenege them to follow God and to give to God.
It is also a ministry because we can make people aware of God's work in the nations and what God is doing and exalt God.
It is also a ministry because we can encourage people of God's faithfulness and power and provision.
It is also a ministry because we can make people aware of the needs of the lost and challenege them to reach out to others

This is an important ministry we have. i need to learn to embrace it. i need to learn to challenge.


It is also a blessing. A blessing to me and a blessing to the people i share with.
i was encouraged yesterday by a response of a friend who responded with "Thanks for asking about support!"
During my initial support-raising process i actually did have a few people thank me for the opportunity to give and support me.
This is a blessing for them. This is an opportunity for them to give to the Lord. It is an opportunity for them to be part of God's work. It's an opportunity to use their gifts. It blesses them as it does us.

And it is a blessing for us to be encouraged by how God uses people in our lives. It is a blessing to see God provide. A blessing to see God's faithfulness, sovereignty and power. And we are blessed by the kind words of encouragement, the love, the prayers and the faithfulness of people behind us. What a blessing indeed!

And it is a blessing because this is where God us right now! He knows exactly what we need. (to help us grow, to help us see Him). He is using everything to work in our lives. He is sovereign & He is taking care of us.

He certainly is teaching me, renewing me & reminding me of things i forogot. i am learning dependence and faith and seeing God even more.

Thank God for His blessing & leading on our lives.

It shows us the Gospel doesn't it? People give up, so we can go out. People sacrifice, so we can live.


MPD is a blessing, a ministry, an opportunity!