2011 in Review

2011 is almost done...

i guess it was a year of being sick... and being tired... and perhaps being sick & tired...

It was a year of adjustments...

A lot happened this year. A lot of difficult things. A lot of draining things. A times felt close to God, other times not so much. There were fun times. And God showed up. God taught me. And this was a good year, even with difficulties. God answered prayers. God was faithful. God revealed Himself. And God sustained us. God took care of us and blessed us.

It was a year to watch Halle grow - which made it a great year.
She traveled to LA & Houston, grew up in Indiana... and flew across the world with barely a peep.
She rolled over, then crawled, then stood and walked and began running.
She got a tooth, then another and a third rather quickly... her 4th took a while, but 5-8 came with no problem... and she celebrated a one year birthday with chocolate cake and lots of friends.

Grandmas & Grandpas couldn't be there in person, but they saw her on skype.

My parents did come to visit- finally... and it wasn't as bad as they feared... we mostly went out to eat... but it was fun.


Soo was sick a lot, she even got surgery... i had a bout of pneumonia... and well, we got pregnant again, which led to more fun.


God taught me much of His grace.
He extended grace to me, even though i sinned often, neglected Him, was full of pride, and often selfish.
As a husband and father, i saw how little i loved, how selfish i wanted to be, how little i wanted to forgive - how little i was like Christ.
God never gave up on me.
He has remained faithful. He continually pours out grace.

Furthermore, He taught me of His kindness and His love... towards poor and unworthy... and His desire for me t be involved to show love & grace, to reveal His grace.

Mostly though He made His Gospel even more clear to me... how i often try to earn favor or feel i must by sacrifice and labor... but His grace is sufficient... and it is never about me. God's grace is all i need.

So, 2011 was another good year in God displaying His goodness to me.

i am thankful for friends, for family.
i am thankful for Soo & Halle and the new one on the way.
i am thankful for God's Grace and for Jesus Christ my Lord & my Savior who leads me and takes care of us day by day... year by year.

The thing about Steve Jobs

I am writing this on a Mac.

I had said I never wanted a Mac and never would get one. 

In college, as a writing major, we had to use macs all the time – apparently they were great for design… but at Purdue, they were just old…

and I hated not having my right click/left click buttons…

later, I thought it was just ridiculous how expensive they were… and it all just felt like a fad, like something popular… but... I broke down. I got a mac.

It has been good. I am no mac apologist, but I do love my Ipod touch. And my computer has lasted me longer than previous computers… and I hope to by an Ipad some day…

About 13 hours ago I found out Steve Jobs had died… I was mildly surprised, but didn’t realize how much his death would impact so many people (then again I still don’t understand why John Lennon’s death was so impactful on others).

I began reading some things about him- and he certainly led an interesting life.

Put up for adoption… rejected by original people… college drop-out… formed Apple before he was 20… filthy rich by 30… fired from the company he formed… made Pixar what it is today… revolutionized the computer industry… entriguing lifestyle…and battled cancer… The only question is who plays him in a movie? 

Soo & I watched his Stanford commencement speech. Which was really good.

It was so good in fact, we framed our date this afternoon around it.

His words were inspirational, visionary & challenging…

You should watch the video.

Steve Jobs was a visionary. He is an inspiration. His innovations changed the computer world – and thus he had a huge impact on the world as we know it.

Not only are his inventions being used, but now his words are being quoted, and shaping many more young minds.

And his words are inspiring, they are challenging… but in the end, they are still just human words of human wisdom.

And we must remember they are not the words of God. Words of a god you may say, but now the words of God. So thus, while there is a lot to be gleaned from his life & his wisdom, it still falls short.

Living each day as it were his last

Truly Steve Jobs was not the first person to live this way. Steven Covey has challenged millions to begin with the end in mind. Steve Jobs wanted to live each day as if it were his last. He wanted to make a difference.

And a difference he made.

In his time on earth, he made a difference. In fact, the difference he made will influence generations beyond him.

But there will come a day when he is forgotten. There will come a day, when new technology will be introduced. And while he still would have influenced the world… what if there were something more?

What if he lived for something beyond his lifetime & for something beyond this world. He lived everyday as if it were his last to make a difference… he brought beauty & convenience and pleasure… but what if there were something even more meaningful, something even more important?

There is no reason not to follow your heart

He makes a great point that “your time is limited, so don’t waste living someone else’s life. And he also right to say there is intuition in the heart that knows what is best…

But our hearts can deceive us. Our hearts are wicked. And intuition isn’t always best.

You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever.

We do need something to trust in. Without anything to trust in, how will we get by? What will motivate us? How will we keep going?

But will just anything do?

He hits on a big point- that we all do trust in something. We may not realize it, but there is always something pulling us or pointing us to make the decisions we do. Without anything, there is no drive, there is no life.

But will anything do?

I suppose many things could work… but will it be sustaining? Is it worth trusting? Is it something to cling to?

His meaning surely is – Whatever works… so that you follow your heart. Follow your self.

He comes to a point of recognizing there is something beyond himself… but doesn’t recognize something greater than himself (or ourselves).

Death is the destination we all share, no one has ever escaped it

And now Steve Jobs shares that destination. He also was not able to escape it. He made billions of dollars, did things he loved doing, had an adventurous life, achieved success, fame & acclaim, and made impact on the world… but he still died.

Steve Jobs got it right in so much. But he missed it.

He made a difference in this world, but he could have made such a bigger difference. His impact will influence thousands of years, but he could have had an impact on eternity. His heart led him & led him to happiness that many will never experience, but he could have had joy unspeakable for an eternity.

We all need something to get us through the difficult times, we all need something to move us & direct us- but there is a specific someone… and that someone is the one who didn’t avoid death, but one who did overcome death.

Jesus overcame death. He is worth following more than your heart. And a life given to following Him and living His life is worth following. He is the One you can trust in the midst of difficulty, the One you can trust to work out the details, the One who will take care of you, protect you & love you. And He is the One who makes your life significant. He is the one who satisfies. And the impact you have on the world for the glory of Christ- is the impact that will last and will change the world in ways beyond what we can wildly imagine.

Many are saying today Rest In Peace Steve Jobs.

And I hope, by God’s grace, that he found his way to Jesus.

Jesus said  “…Come unto me and I will give you rest…”

I thank God for how he used Steve Jobs. I pray for his family. And I pray for you. May you change the world by being a witness of Christ. May you make an impact for eternity. May you find faith in God who is in control of everything. And may you experience Life, instead of death when you die.

Thank You Jesus for giving me Life

35 years in the books... Thank You Jesus for giving me life.

35 years is significant... my sister didn't make it to 30, Jesus died when he was 33... i have lived 5 years more than my sister did and have had more than a year than Jesus did too.

Life would be so different if my sister were around... i could imagine her being a great aunt, loving Halle & Soo well... sending a package every month... then again, i wonder if she hadn't gone through what she did, if i hadn't seen her faith, if i hadn't experienced disappointment, if i hadn't experienced death... would i be where i am now?

God gave me life. He created all peoples. God Almighty, Creator of the Universe, Author of all things.

But He not only gave a physical life, He gave me real life, everlasting life, the abundant life.

i may have had a physical body and lived life on earth... but my spirit was dead. My sin brought death. i was enslaved to sin and on path to eternal destruction... Jesus came to rescue me from death & give me life.

Looking back, my life was empty. i went to school, i played sports, i watched tv- but life had no meaning. i felt insecure, unimportant, useless, worthless. i didn't like life- at least my life. i had buddies i guess, but no friends. i could do some things, but i was nothing spectacular. There was no hope... i was just looking forward to death.

Christ established hope, brought me joy, poured out love, changed my life... gave me life!

If you know me, you know i am a sinful person. You know i am selfish. You know i can be impatient & anxious and certainly full of pride. i needed a Savior. God saw my need and sent His Son to die for my sin.
Now, i have life, life everlasting!


Looking back, i can see God's hand on my life. All over the place.
I am Indian.
Born to parents who were arranged in marriage
Indian parents who were Christian
Born in America... in Indiana
in Septmeber... so i'd be younger/smaller than everyone in my class
born ten years after my sister and eight years after my brother.
Born to parents who loved God, loved us, were giving to others.

i went to Purdue
lived in an all-guys dorm
there was a Bible study on my floor
lived on the same floor as Brian Bettag
at the last second he asked me to live with him sophomore year
met his brother Kevin, Kevin's best friend Andy, their co-worker Brack
i got involved in a Christian group i tried to avoid
i joined a Bible study i didn't want to be in, but didn't have the guts to say no on the phone
i made friends who changed my lfie

My sister got cancer.
My prayers weren't answered
i felt forgotten by God... when a friend told me he was praying for me... when my dad told me to keep faith...
i went to a conference around the same time, and learned about surrender
2 weeks later my sister died... i was far away from home with a lot of time to think...
Somehow i wasn't angry or scared... but hopeful... and given new perspective
... and i began praying more

i got convicted about going to the world... i hoped my parents wouldn't like the idea, but they were excited... until i told them i was going - they forgot all about that conversation... then i went... and i went again... had hard times... but God was still leading.

He led me through the book of Acts as i was considering my future... and He led me to Asia...
while in Asia, He laid the University of Michigan on my mind... and when i joined... that was the 1st option they mentioned...

But soon time at Michigan would be up too... and i left the country, just when everything was starting to go well
And though times were difficult, He convicted me to stay... then we started seeing some incredible things happen...
And i committed to 3 more years... with no wife... and after rejection after rejection after rejection... i met Soo... we got married, got pregnant, had a baby(notice no pauses)...

Been reading Exodus...
...without Esau hating Jacob, he would have never met Rachel
...without Rachel having difficulty conceiving, Joseph wouldn't have been favored so much, causing him to be hated
... without Jacobs brothers hating him and selling him into slavery, and Potiphor's wife slandering his name, Joseph would have never had the opportunity to advance as far he did
... without Joseph's power, Israel would have never been in Egypt and become slaves
... without being slaves, Israel would have never been delivered and gone to the promise land
And
without Jesus being wrongly accused, wrongly put to death... we would never be able to receive the blessing of eternal life with God



God's hand has been upon me.
He has led me.
He has been with me.
He has been with me during the hard times and the pleasant times.
He has been with me in America, Asia, Turkey, all my travels.
He has been with me when i was a Jesus freak, when i was apathetic, when i doubted, all the time

He is the source of joy.
He is the source of peace.
He is the source of love.
HE is the source of LIFE!

Where would i be without Him? i don't know.

But i am thankful for all the people He has put in my life.
i am thankful for all the places He has taken me.
i am thankful for the challenges and changes He brought to me.
i am thankful for the trials & difficulties & disappointments.
i am thankful He has changed my heart and changed my life.
i am thankful He has saved me.

John 15:5
Psalm 16
Acts 20:22-24


Thank You Jesus for giving me life!

My birthday wish

Soo & my parents and others have asked what i want for my birthday... but reality is: i don't need anything... and i get to live with my beautiful wife and amazing child... i have wonderful parents, a meaningful job, and a relationship with God Almighty & Savior Jesus Christ.

i don't need anything.

But y'know what millions elsewhere are suffering.

On twitter a few weeks ago, i saw Erwin McManeus post a tweet asking people to make donations to Charity:water. And so i have followed suit

http://mycharitywater.org/Matthew1042

Matthew 10:42 Jesus says: "And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.”


Last year i read the hole in our Gospel, which talks a lot about our need to help the poor as disciples of Christ, as well as the huge needs people have - especially for water. i do suggest WorldVision as a source to give to as well.


As i think of this bday wish i think of the old Steve Martin SNL skit, and wonder if i'm honest is this what i wish for?


Well, actually that wouldn't be first


1st would be that my friends who have had trouble having kids would receive good news! i have 3 good friends struggling with infertility... i guess on top of that would be those who recently had kids with some health troubles... or those having trouble in marriage... even those struggling with lonliness... yeah, my wish would be these folks going through trouble would be blessed! i pray not only they would have kids or get what they want, but they'd experience the Lord and the Lord would be glorified in them!


There are some selfish wishes too... Overall, i'd say:


1. friends receive good news, esp those having trouble having kids
2. A day without an conflict:
    No conflict with Soo, people on my team, my leaders, random people... man i hate conflict
3. A day free of obligations & responsibilities:
    i love being a dad... and i love being a leader... but it means a lot of responsibilities (my buddy erik warned me when we got pregnant "remember in 'the life you've always wanted' when he said he'd take a day to do nothing for himself so he could serve others? Welcome to the rest of your life). 
    It'd be nice to have freedom to serve, ability to do everything on my schedule
4. the poor would be helped: water, food, etc 
5. A day with Dad: enjoying Him, connecting with Him thru His Word, writing, praise, prayer...
6. A day with Soo: a date... no conflict...
7.     Phone calls from good friends… and those friends who haven’t returned phone calls – you know who you are… good fun & deep conversations


As long as I’m dreaming, and let’s face it, these are all pipe dreams... 

1.     A night of playing Settlers with Corey, Mark, Ben & Doug… maybe we could add Josh & Jason too…  if someone asked who the lord of catan is at the end that'd be fun too..

2.     A conference like CSU- some good speakers, P&W… with a lot of my old staff friends like Berg, Dueck, ej, others… having those good conversations about the Bible and faith… of course guys I still keep in touch with like Ken & Scotty(though he’s not on staff anymore)… so how ‘bout other former interns & stinters like Sean, Will, Smylys, Scholten… yeah, that would be even better than #1...

3.     A Waffle ball reuion- with actual basketball games and actual waffles… no reunion would be complete w/o the Brothers Bettag, Brack, The Messmerizer, Crazy Uncle Tim, the Dowds, Justin, Big Sol & al… maybe some others... that would be fun

4.     Watch some football with a few friends… eating wings (maybe at Buffalo wild wings itself) and drinking something cold… i really miss this right now

5.     To be able to go on a walk at 10:30 at night with Soo & puppy… cool air, a nice breeze, good conversation, and a happy puppy

6.     I’d love to see some of my Asian friends again too… and hear about their faith

7.     Be able to share the Gospel… lead a Bible study… IN ENGLISH… and with people who really want to hear... though maybe more important would be a person coming to Christ or growing in faith... i guess this would be more important than anything on the list i suppose

8.     Returning to America for Food would be good too… In N out… jamba juice… Chipotle… Skyline… Grand Lux… a bleu cheese & bacon burger… Outback Special with a caesar salad… pepperoni pizza...

9.     Sleep in

10. If we’re talking about returns… how about Christ’s return? i guess that would be ultimate...

11. And i suppose if we're going past this year...i guess most of all, i pray Halle (and other children we may have) would love & follow Christ.

All in all...

My desire for this year... my motto for the year...

i would be sensitive/attentive to the direction of the Holy Spirit and i'd be sensitive/attentive to the needs of others! (which often are the same thing i think)

Oh, that i may be a blessing to others!

Bless others, Glorify God.

This is my hope, my desire, my goal, my prayer. 

Lessons from a lost dog: The state of the lost

Some people may not like the term “Lost” when referring to non-Christians.

It seems so archaic and offensive.

It is implying there is something wrong with them, that they need to be found.

But this is how Jesus referred to them, because it is indeed their state. There is something wrong, they need to be found.

See, my puppy didn’t realize she was lost either.

She thought she had found freedom!

She had escaped from those who put her captive on the plane.

But the reality was, she was in a foreign city in a foreign place and she had no resource for food or love or comfort.

She had ran away looking for protection, not realizing those she was running away from- were trying to help her, protect her and reunite her with the ones she loved.

If she had gone with them, she would find what she needed and what she wanted.

If she would come to her senses and realized she needed help, she could have found it.

The non-believing world is like that. They don’t realize they are lost. They think they are safe. They think they found freedom. And they run away from those trying to help them.

They need to be found. They need to be helped. Even if they are rejecting it right now and opposed to it now.

We may not see it either. We may think they look free. They seem happy. But it is not the happiness they truly long for.

My dog was happy to be out of that plane. Happy to be free. But her happiness was not complete, but she was really looking for us.

We need to help people find Jesus. Even if they are running away from us, and running away from Him at the moment.

We may need to help them realize they are lost and need a Savior.

But when they do find Christ, they will find true freedom

It is not just non-Christians who are lost sometimes. We all get lost from time to time. We lose sight of what is important. Or we get lost in our own little world. We get lost in our ambitions, lost in our pride, lost in our pleasures, lost in our self.

In the parable of the prodigal son, there are 2 sons. The father goes out to find both. To run out to his younger son, one who smelled of pig, one who rejcted him- certainly would be scandalous. But to leave his own party to search out the older son would have been scandalous as well.

Both were lost.

One was lost in his pursuit of pleasure and wealth.

The other was lost in his self-righteousness and his effort

Neither was enjoying the father.

Both needed to be found.

How are you lost?

In what way is your heart lost?

Are you looking for pleasure outside of God?

Are you looking to yourself or your performance for your sense of worth

Have you lost focus on Christ?

We all need Jesus. We all need a Savior

Christ goes to the extreme length in giving up His life, so lost may be found. He found His joy in the Father. He found joy in the work on the Cross that would allow many to be saved and God glorified

Lessons from a Lost dog: Seeking the Lost v Finding the Lost

After a night of waiting and a lot of pleading, Soo was finally able to convince them to let me go out in a little van around the lot to call out for the dog.

They assured me people were looking for the dog, so we didn’t need to go. But we wanted to find our dog and felt we were best equipped to find her.

We went thru security and we got into this van, I opened the windows and screamed out for puppy as we went around the perimiter of the airport.

It was hard to tell if she would be able to hear me, and hard to look from a distance and while traveling.

One thing I noticed however was the lack of people looking for the dog. It didn’t look as if anyone was looking for the dog. There were a number of people outside, but none looking around for a dog.

When we finished the search, I mentioned this to them.

“How many people are looking for the dog.”

“Oh, so many people.”

“It doesn’t look like there is anyone looking for the dog.”

“No, everyone is looking for the dog.”

“There are people looking around for her, calling her name?”

“Oh no, but everyone knows there is a small black dog lost.”

What use does this do?

I got angry and animated.

And I tried to express that knowing a dog is lost does nothing to help find the lost dog.

Of course if someone sees a dog on an airport runway they will notify someone.

The thing is, if she was that easy to spot, we would have had already.

She must be hiding.

And if she is hiding, she won’t be found simply by accident. Someone needs to go look for her.

Perhaps you will eventually stumble upon her or she will come out- but we could find her much more quickly if someone was looking.

In fact, she might be right next to you, but if you’re not looking for her, you can’t find her.

It reminded me of the lost around us.

We may expect them to come to Church.

We may expect them to make the first move.

If they want to find God, they can.

We put up posters around campus, a billboard in front of our church, and we expect people to come.

No.

They need to be searched out.

Jesus didn’t come simply to find lost. He came to SEEK and to SAVE the lost.

We need to seek them. We need to go out of our way to find them and bring them into the fold.

The Shepherd leaves the 99 to find the one to bring it back in the flock.

The woman searches diligently to find the lost coin.

We need to do likewise.

If we would do so for 1 sheep, for 1 coin, for a missing dog that we could easily replace. If we would take time looking for a remote control, throwing all the couch cusions everywhere. IF we would get down on all-four to find a contact or a missing road from settlers of catan – can’t we put forth some effort to seek out the lost?

How do we do this?

It is more than a flier or an invitation.

At the very least it is a conversation- but even that is just the bare minimum.

We need to go where they are, we need to enter into their world. We need to first be involved in their activities.

We need to be able to talk about things they enjoy.

We need to think thru ways we can serve them… maybe buying something for them or making them a meal or inviting them over for a meal or party or something.

We need to show love.

We need to take the initiative.

It’s not just about finding the lost, but going out to seek and save the lost.

How can you go and seek out for the lost?

Are you willing to leave your comfortable spot and search for the lost?

Are you willing to put some effort into finding the lost?

Are you willing to leave your own little world in order to enter into the world of people around you?

[puppy post #1] [puppy post #2]

Lessons from a Lost dog: Missions

Continuing a series on Lessons i learned from a Lost dog [Puppy post #1]

So we arrived at the airport with our dog in tow. We were pretty worried about her and so quickly went to the baggage claim and asked about our dog.

We came to the desk and they were like “uh… oh, it’s your dog… well she got out of her cage and when we opened the door she ran out”

 

I offered to go out and call her, but they brushed me aside and told us not to worry and assured us they would get her back quickly.

After 15 minutes or so, one person came back and wrapped a yellow vest around me and walked me over to the door.

They told me to wait a moment and a few minutes later they walked me back to where we came from – and then told me again I could not go out to look for the dog.

They reasoned with us.

It is too dangerous out there. There are many vehicles and machines and it is too dangerous.

Plus it is too dark out right now. Which makes it more dangerous. It is too dark to look for her and find her. It is too dark for other people or vehicles to see you.

It is too difficult. We won’t find her. And the place is too big, she could be anywhere.

In other word they said the task was

1.     Too Dangerous

2.     Too Dark

3.     Too Difficult

4.     Too Daunting

Isn’t this what is said about finding the lost in missions. Aren’t these the same excuses?

It’s too dangerous to go overseas. What if your children get sick? What if you face persecution? What if you go to jail?

It’s too Dark.

The people there are so entrenched in their religion. They are so caught up in their ways

It’s Too Difficult

You have to learn the language- and the culture. You have to fight years of oppression and custom. It will be difficult to explain. You have to give up so much – food, friends, fun, conveniences, comforts… too difficult

It’s too Daunting.

There’s just so many people, what difference can we actually make?

When they told me I couldn’t go out to look for my puppy, I didn’t care about their reasons.

I didn’t care at all. Not one bit.

The only thing that mattered was finding my puppty

I didn’t care how dark it was, I was up for the challenge and energy it would require.

I didn’t care how daunting it looked, I would take however long it needed.

I didn’t care how difficult it would be, I just wanted my puppy

And danger? Well, I wanted to be careful but I was willing to risk potential problems for the joy of finding our puppy.

And if I would go that extent for a puppy, how much more can we for the lost souls around us.

God’s love for the lost is so much greater than my love for my puppy- as hard as that may seem.

And the thing is…

Too Dark? No problem, Jesus is the Light of the world.

Too Dangerous?  Jesus is with us always  (and God is a strongtower we can run to and be safe, he will take care of us)

Too Difficult? Jesus has given us His Holy Spirit to empower us

Too Daunting? Jesus overcame even death. Nothing is impossible with God.

Lessons from a Lost dog: God's heart for the lost

It was about a year ago this time that Soo & i were heading back to America to have our baby. Soo was entering her 7th month of pregnancy. We would be back in the states for about 8 months.
So, we planned to take our dog as well. It took a lot of money and a lot of time figuring out which flights we could take her on as well as what documents we needed to get her overseas. But we worked it all out.

That is, until we actually started flying.
Our initial flight was delayed 2 hours and so we arrived at our connecting city a little late. We came an extra day early because there was some more paperwork that needed to be done for the dog. We had a plan.

So we arrived at the airport with our dog in tow. We were pretty worried about her and so quickly went to the baggage claim and asked about our dog.

We came to the desk and they were like “uh… oh, it’s your dog… well she got out of her cage and when we opened the door she ran out”

My first thought: “This only happens to me” And I imagined the episode of Seinfled when Kramer is running next to the plane.

I offered to go out and call her, but they brushed me aside and told us not to worry and assured us they would get her back quickly.

I was laughing at first, but soon the laughter turned to worry, before it eventually turned to tears.

This ordeal was an extremely hard thing, but God used it in our lives. We believe He is sovereign in all things, and even with the things we see & learned, i am sure there is so much more.

i will post a number of things God taught me thru this lost dog. The first thing is God's heart for the lost.

i cry out that i would have such deep concern for the souls of men, those who are lost- as my heart was distressed for this lost puppy.

When i posted on facebook about our lost puppy- i don't think i ever got as many comments before. People were concerned for us. And we even more so than them.
We cried, our hearts ached. We begged, we pleaded, we prayed earnestly. We spent time and energy. Our hearts were spent.

i immediately realized (before all of that), that this is how God wants me to feel about the lost. And it is how i want to feel about the lost.

God's heart breaks for the lost. He loves the lost. He wants to help them and rescue them. He cares about them and wants to save them, reconcile them. Each person means so much to Him

Yet i can be so complacent. And i can care more about my dog than i do about the eternal destiny of people around me. My head knows the need, but my heart does not ache.

God convicted me right away, within a few minutes, but he was not done with me yet..

the thing about having kids

Halle is 9 months old today. We're slowing reading some books on parenting... learning on the job i guess... we i'm not that great at it - but God is stretching us teaching us a lot!

Anyway, the question is asked why have kids?

Here is what i say

1.     Children are a blessing from the Lord (like arrows in a quiver)

2.     Raising Children in a godly way is an opportunity to build the kingdom of God & influence the world

3.     Being a parent will stretch my faith and cause me to depend on God more

4.     We’re commanded to be fruitful & multiply

5.     I want to love & enjoy my kids

6.   A family

7.     It will be fun to have kids

8.     A Legacy

i know a number of people who wait to have kids... and have heard some people say this society is so awful, they don't want to bring kids into it. And a lot who think a one-child policy is a good idea.

Baloney.

Kids are a good thing. They will stretch you. Your life will no longer be your own... your life will not be the same... and that will be frustrating. 

But... kids are a blessing from God... and we shouldn't try to manage our life so much to make it easy or convenient

Having kids is out of our control - as much as we may not try to control it. God is the giver of life. Each child is a gift, is grace. 

So many of my friends have struggled to have kids... so don't take your kids for granted.

There are a lot of bad reasons to have kids... and we won't be perfect parents... but i hope we will raise our kids to the glory of God and help them to love God and enjoy the Gospel.

the one with some thoughts on Exodus 33

I’ve been reading through Exodus and came to chapter 33 and saw something I never noticd before: God tells Moses

"Depart; go up from here, you and the people whom you have brought up out of the land of Egypt, to the land of which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, saying, 'To your offspring I will give it.' ²I will send an angel before you, and I will drive out the Canaanites, the Amorites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. ³ Go up to a land flowing with milk and honey; but I will not go up among you, lest I consume you on the way, for you are a stiff-necked people."

What? God didn’t go with them? He sent an angel, but He didn’t go with them? I mean, that’s huge right? I guess an angel is pretty powerful and can do some supernatural things – but no God?

Well, this is why you keep on reading… Moses intercedes for the people (and himself) and pleads for God to continue to go with them.

See – receiving God’s provision without His presence is a lesser blessing. Receiving God’s promises without experiencing His presence is not fulfilling.

Am I like that? If God said I’ll give you everything I promised, everything you desire, everything you need, and you will have protection & security & even comfort- but You won’t have me – would I be satisfied? Would that be good enough for me?

Or would I fight? Would I plead? Would I cling to God til HE came with me?

Would I be like Orpah or like Ruth. They both were clinging to Naomi, but then she said go from me and you’ll get what you need. Orpah gave up and went, but Ruth clung.

Do I live for blessings or for God?

Do I desire God’s provision or protection or promises more than I desire His presence?

Often, if life feels comfortable- then I feel comfortable. If I am not suffering want or need, then I am content. I don’t think of myself as a “health, wealth, prosperity” guy… but how much am I hungering for God’s presence?

And if I want God’s presence, do I want all that comes with that? All the complexities of His will, of His grace, of His wrath, of His majesty, of His holiness, of His glory?

God’s presence is greater, is better than His provision, His promises, His protection.

The Gospel is God gave us His Son, so we could experience intimacy with Him. The greatest blessing He has given is His Son reconciling us to Himself. He offers not just eternal life, but eternal life with Him. We receive His promises, come under His protection, know His provision and experience His presence. Let's not settle for anything else.

the one with some thoughts on Exodus 33

I’ve been reading through Exodus and came to chapter 33 and saw something I never noticd before: God tells Moses

"Depart; go up from here, you and the people whom you have brought up out of the land of Egypt, to the land of which I swore to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, saying, 'To your offspring I will give it.' ²I will send an angel before you, and I will drive out the Canaanites, the Amorites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. ³ Go up to a land flowing with milk and honey; but I will not go up among you, lest I consume you on the way, for you are a stiff-necked people."

What? God didn’t go with them? He sent an angel, but He didn’t go with them? I mean, that’s huge right? I guess an angel is pretty powerful and can do some supernatural things – but no God?

Well, this is why you keep on reading… Moses intercedes for the people (and himself) and pleads for God to continue to go with them.

See – receiving God’s provision without His presence is a lesser blessing. Receiving God’s promises without experiencing His presence is not fulfilling.

Am I like that? If God said I’ll give you everything I promised, everything you desire, everything you need, and you will have protection & security & even comfort- but You won’t have me – would I be satisfied? Would that be good enough for me?

Or would I fight? Would I plead? Would I cling to God til HE came with me?

Would I be like Orpah or like Ruth. They both were clinging to Naomi, but then she said go from me and you’ll get what you need. Orpah gave up and went, but Ruth clung.

Do I live for blessings or for God?

Do I desire God’s provision or protection or promises more than I desire His presence?

Often, if life feels comfortable- then I feel comfortable. If I am not suffering want or need, then I am content. I don’t think of myself as a “health, wealth, prosperity” guy… but how much am I hungering for God’s presence?

And if I want God’s presence, do I want all that comes with that? All the complexities of His will, of His grace, of His wrath, of His majesty, of His holiness, of His glory?

God’s presence is greater, is better than His provision, His promises, His protection.

The Gospel is God gave us His Son, so we could experience intimacy with Him. The greatest blessing He has given is His Son reconciling us to Himself. He offers not just eternal life, but eternal life with Him. We receive His promises, come under His protection, know His provision and experience His presence. Let's not settle for anything else

The one with seven things that seem super spiritual, but actually may be quite the opposite

1. These are some recent thoughts from conversations I’ve had and books I’ve been reading… you may not agree… I may not be clear… so be gracious… and I hope it imparts grace…




   1.  Not having time for people because you are having a Quiet Time
2.     Feeling Guilt because of what a bad person you are
3.     Reading
4.     Only serving others, giving to others when there is a chance to evangelize
5.     Being a nice person
6.     Holding firm to Truth
7.     Sharing the Gospel in every situation

Spending time with God is a noble thing. If you want to impress people, talk about your devotion to your devotions… mention how early you get up to have a quiet time…  people will think you are great… and you will feel you’re great too.

But far too often a Quiet Time is used as an excuse for actually engaging with others.

It is an excuse to not go share your faith or to not help a friend in need or not do a loving or serving thing for another.

Because… of course you should prioritize God over another person.

But is this what God requires of us? Does He require us to have a quiet time every day at a specific time for a specific duration?

Isn’t He more pleased when we love mercy? When we do justly? When we serve others? When we love others? When we go out of our way for someone?

If a quiet time is to grow in love for God, shouldn’t we prioritze the things that show love to God – namely loving other people?

Many can spend a lot of time reading the Word, but then don’t do what the Word says, and often we don’t do what the Word says because we are spending time in the Word.

Obviously having regular time with God is good. Being in the Word is vital. And prayer is our breath.

But do we need a quiet time to do this?

Can we not walk with God in any moment? We can meditate on His Word all day long as we do other activities. And we can live out what the Word says.

Jesus got up early in the morning to meet with the Father, but He also stopped praying to help those around Him.

Quiet Times though, seem spiritual. Because it is so personal and requires discipline & conviction. Doing things with & for others just seems like a fun things to do.

On the other hand, it is much easier to read the Bible and to pray than it is to serve others, to sacrificially love others, to give our time and money to others.

American culture has built this feeling. A quiet time is of highest importance… in an individualistic society. But the Biblical mandate is actually more communal than individual… something to think about.

Feeling guilty.

Romans 8:1 Says “There is therefore now NO Condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. This means we are free from sin & from guilt & from shame.

Henry Cloud says we don’t take this far enough. He says this means there is never a right time to feel guilty.

The Holy Spirit convicts, but if we feel guilty, that is our own response.

He goes onto explain the difference between godly sorrow & guilt. Godly sorrow is sorry about the pain you caused another person and caused God. Guilt is being sad about what you did wrong.

Guilt is very self-focused.

While I am still fleshing out this idea of no guilt at all, I think Cloud is onto something. Guilt is very self-focused. It’s what I do when I mess up. I think I’m a bad person. I don’t really want to change, I just want to feel bad. And I want that to be enough. Instead of focusing on the hurt I cause my wife, I say I am such a bad husband. Instead, I should feel heart-felt sorrow for the hurt I cause and work on doing things differently.

When someone shows guilt over their sin, it seems like they are spiritual to feel so bad. And while hating sin is good… we ought hate sin for the hurt it causes God, not because we hate that we’re so bad.

True faith would not hold onto guilt, but abide in grace.

This is hard… for when I do confess my sin and move on and don’t feel guilt… I often feel guilt for not feeling any guilt.

Guilt & shame are from the devil. We need to abide in the love & grace of Christ & enjoy Him, enjoy His forgiveness, worship Him after we sin for how great is mercy & faithfulness is.

Reading

Reading is a good thing… it can help us come closer to God and grow us in areas we are weak. But is it always more godly, more mature? It really could just be a personality trait. And worse yet, it could be a source of spiritual pride. We feel like we’re better because we’re spending time reading… but maybe we just enjoy reading… maybe we are doing it to gain knowledge and feel superior.

I’m not saying reading is bad or all our motivations are bad…

I like to read and believe the more you read, the more you learn….

but just reading more doesn’t necessarily mean you are more mature.

Only serving/giving when there is a chance to evangelize

This is a major pet-peeve of many… and I’m starting to get it.

Many out there look down on organizations if they are not doing evangelism… seeing as giving to the poor, building church buildings and other such things as less important work.

The thing is, every aspect is important. While we don’t want to shy from sharing the Gospel- we must use words… to look down on others who are serving & giving is immature.

In fact, giving/serving others without being able to see fruit may be more difficult. Most of the time those actions are done with hopes of results in long-term.

Giving your time & money to strangers is probably more difficult than to share a message with them. At least for me.

Being nice

Many have seemed  to interpret loving our neighbor as being nice to our neighbor. If it’s not nice, how can it be loving? But in fact being nice is sometimes not really not that nice and is indeed not loving.

Much like allowing an alcoholic to keep drinking or a someone drunk to drive… we sometimes need to do things people may not feel is very nice to truly be loving.

In being nice, we avoid sharing the Gospel… we avoid confronting our brother about sin in his life… we allow a friend to hold incorrect doctrine…

Really when we make our goal to be nice, we are making how people perceive us the number one thing in our lives.

People like nice people… but they are not always the best for us… and it is not always the most loving way to act

Holding firm to truth

In the opposite spectrum is the one who holds so strongly to truth, he doesn’t care how another person may feel.

At this point his concern isn’t for the person’s soul as much it is to be right.

I believe we do need to be honest with people about what we think of their actions or beliefs. At the same time our speech needs to be seasoned with salt that it may give grace to the hearers.

The purpose of speaking truth should be to edify and to proclaim Christ… if it is not accomplishing this then maybe we should reconsider our actions & words.

Sharing the Gospel in every situation

Bill Bright looked at interactions with others as a “Divine appointment.”

And I think he was right.

When we interact with someone, it is an opportunity to be God’s ambassador, to reflect Christ, to show love, to give grace, and help them understand the Gospel.

But we have to be careful.

Sometimes the people we are talking with may not be ready to receive all we want to say.

I once heard someone say that he “did my job” as if he felt good about himself because he shared the message, even if the guy didn’t respond well. While our job may be to simply proclaim the Gospel and allow the Spirit to do His work, our goal/hope should be the person would receive Christ.

I’ve come to realize it often takes more faith for me to not share the Gospel than it does for me to share the Gospel. I have to believe God will work in someone’s life, even if I don’t get to share the Gospel with them.

I want to give every person a glimpse of the Gospel (at least)… but I don’t need to force it, I don’t need to make it happen. I need to trust God, even if I don’t see the fruit…

There are probably other things and more that could be said about these things both positively and negatively… I’m really just processing & starting the discussion here.

Our Hong Kong experience

Soon after pregnancy, Soo started experiencing some sharp pains in her stomach accompanied by chills & aches. I took her & Halle to the emergency room, and soon after we checked in, all the pain and everything went away.

The doctor attributed it to gastritis and our doctor furthermore gave her nexium for heart-burn.

The attacks would come every couple weeks… we began to assume it was something she ate… as we cut certain items out she seemed better… she cut out all tomato-sauce based items & all spicy food… then all citrus & acidic fruits & foods… and coffee… basically, she couldn’t eat anything except rice & grilled chicken…

The problems never seemed to go away… and after some other concerns we went to the local doctor here.

We have been blessed to find an American doctor at the Red cross hospital. We knew of the OBGYN last year, but didn’t know about the regular doctor until this year. He is great.

And it is so cheap here!

Doctor’s visit: $3

Blood Tests: $3

Cat Scan, X-rays: $5

Prescription medicine: $3

Even an overnight hospital stay is only like $17

After checking out Soo, he thought gallstones… but we had to do a few more tests… there is another foreign surgeon here who could have removed the gallbladder, but some of the other tests we needed to go somewhere else.

This is part of the experience of living here… leaving the city or country to go to the hospital

so we got in contact with a hospital, set an appointment… and made plans to go to Hong Kong…

The doctor there seemed to know what he was talking about and insightful.

The scariest part for Soo was the fact she would be put under… she had a gastropacy done here with no medicine. Usually in the states they’ll at least give a local anisthetic… here they could prescribe a pill… but that was too much… so she did the gastropacy w/o anything…. But hey, she gave birth without any medicine either!

So, we went to HK and Soo got knocked out. The doctor put 4 keyholes in her, removed the stones & sucked out her gallbladder… they gave us a DVD of the surgery… but we haven’t watched it... Movie night anyone?

They brought a jar of the stones to the room… we weren’t like Joey when he got his kidney stones… but we did look at it… I counted the stones: 81!

81 stones!

That’s a lot.

Soo was also scared about Halle. How would I be able to take care of Halle & her? And what if Halle won’t eat? She doesn’t really take a bottle, and doesn’t sleep well away from home…

However, God was gracious!

We fed Halle formula for the first time & she loved it! She took the bottle without any problems.

Actually, if Soo was around, she wouldn’t want the bottle, but if not, she wanted the bottle all the time.

We were also blessed by Joy Ford. A person we didn’t know; And a person my parents had never met, only corresponded with thru email.

That is the body of Christ!

We really felt God’s hand upon us & the blessing of the body of Christ thru her.

Even though some family were not willing to help because it may be too much trouble, someone we didn’t know went out of her way to come help us & went the extra mile to bring us food & stuff we didn’t ask for, but knew would bless us.

Our true family is our family in Christ

Unfortunately because of the procedures, the day before the surgery Soo couldn’t eat anything, and the first few days after she didn’t have much of an appetite… too bad, b/c going to Hong Kong means a lot of good food…

Before we went, Soo was convinced after the surgery she’d be able to move around and do whatever she wanted… I kept on telling her we probably won’t be able to do much…. After the surgery, Soo vented she just had surgery and I was planning too much…

Still, Soo loved HK. She called it one of her favorite places.

I hated it. I would never want to go back

Hong Kong is expensive.

Hong Kong is hot.

Hong Kong is big & busy.

We were at the mid-levels, which means it was just a series of hills…. The places we were going were supposed to be walking distance… but it was all uphill, thru tons of traffic, and winding roads… and it was hot.

I never sweated so much in my life.

The taxis charged for baggage.

I don’t like big cities.

Still, Soo got to go to H&M and we bought some toys for Halle at Toys R Us.

We got Bubba Gump’s Shrimp (Amazing!), pizza, salad, Fo, Dimsum, Italian & Steak… and of course McDonalds.

The favorite though may have been going to the grocery store and getting deli meat… and of course, my favorite: Tim-Tams!

We got to go to the Peak for a little bit… though I don’t like it so much, Hong Kong is a beautiful place.

We also went to one of the small islands before the surgery as it  was much cheaper there…

Anyway… the HK trip has made me think of a lot of memories… and thoughts

1.     I miss riding mopeds in Chiangmai with Billy Van Elk

2.     I miss going to mid-year conferences in Thailand… last year we were in the states having a baby… year before we got married… and the year before it was in Malaysia…

3.     We should have planned better… or what if we got married in June, had the baby in May… at the very least I could have gone to Mid-year last year and been there when Ken came… been there for Asian friends leaving EA… and then been back this summer for CSU to hear Francis Chan & go see David crowder and Tenth Ave North… and we would have been around in the fall & I could have led the team, wouldn’t have start all over…

4.     The ferry reminded me of Turkey… could you imagine us living there.. taking the ferry every day… hm…

5.     Cold showers reminded me of WW02… taking showers outside… cool showers on hot days & warm showers on cool days outside… it was pretty sweet

6.     Of course I’m in HK, so I got to think of Kelvin Ng

7.     With all that, how about Ghandi’s 5…

8.     And I thought about the fun with Adam Anderson when I went back in 05… the girls were fun too and the students… but Adam & I bonded… got cheesesteaks and hung out weekly… joked around a lot…

9.     This place is a lot like Macinac Island in Michigan… no cars, bikes, lots of small shops… no fudge though

10. Ah, Traverse city was a fun summer… and then today Soo gave me & hug after getting out of the water… reminded me of when Chris Woods said he would accept a hug after being out in the rain and Matt Sfura jumped at the chance… what a memory…

11. This place is like a retreat center… retreats used to be so much fun!

12. Also reminded of the dream I had a few weeks ago: I was on a summer project in India… but hald the students were Americans, the other half were Indians… but we were on one summer project, but like a state-side project… students didn’t realize how lucky they were… Mitch Sheehan was the project cook… Soo & I were there- no baby I think.. Christine Major… not sure who else

13. I don’t think I’ve ever sweated so much in my life… my goodness it is hot here! And the uphill climb didn’t help.

14. Nutella tastes good when it is fresh

15. Saw Ring-tailed lemurs, which of course reminded me of Steve Tanzek & the TC project again… 15 years later & I still remember

16. I really like sitting in starbucks, drinking a frappacino & writing & reading…

17. Whenever I feel like I’m going to get a lot of reading done, I read nothing at all

18. Wow, I miss deli meats, seeing the case was like walking into heaven

19. I don’t like big cities

20. Can’t wait to get home… where at least we know where things are, and feel more freedom to be normal

Well, that’s me processing our trip…

Thankful for…

1.     Soo getting the surgery and hopefully can eat now and won’t have much pain

2.     There were no complications with the surgery or big problems created by the kidney stones

3.     Experiencing God’s grace & kindness thru the body of Christ as Joy, a complete stranger, but sister in Christ- came to help

4.     God taking care of us, getting us where we needed to go

5.     Everyone’s prayers and concerns for Soo & us

6.     God providing for all our financial needs, that even with all these expenses, we have what we need

7.     Halle taking the bottle & sleeping well while there

8.     Being able to bond with the baby more – as I got to feed Halle, helped me feel closer

9.     God using this to build Soo & I’s marriage

10. Tim-Tams

11. Good food

12. Being able to communicate with all of you!

the one with a "Water" fast

I am going to give you a challenge... a challenge to give... and a challenge to grow... a challenge to faith...


The Lord has been putting a lot of impressions on me recently... a lot to do with giving and money and the poor... and steps of faith and growth... and instead of simply restricting myself, seeking more ways to give...

Last year around lent, i saw an article that said instead of giving something up, give something away... perked my interest.

Then i read "The hole in our Gospel" ... the Lord was preparing my heart before hand- and it hit me, just as it has many others... read it.

Then i was studying I Timothy 6 and the love of money... leading to all kinds of evil.

And i read Randy Alcorn's chapter on money in "For the Fame of God's Name"

And all this happening in the midst of raising support, moving to a new place and beginning to set up a new home...


For the rest of the year i am going to do a type of fast each month... one i would like you to join with me. i'll still be eating... but i will be fasting

⁵ Is such the fast that I choose,
    a day for a person to humble himself?
Is it to bow down his head like a reed,
   and to spread sackcloth and ashes under him?
Will you call this a fast,
   and a day acceptable to the LORD? 
⁶"Is not this the fast that I choose:
    to loose the bonds of wickedness,
   to undo the straps of the yoke,
to let the oppressed go free,
   and to break every yoke?
⁷Is it not to share your bread with the hungry
   and bring the homeless poor into your house;
when you see the naked, to cover him,
    and not to hide yourself from your own flesh?
⁸ Then shall your light break forth like the dawn,
    and your healing shall spring up speedily;
your righteousness shall go before you;
    the glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard...
¹⁰ if you pour yourself out for the hungry
   and satisfy the desire of the afflicted,
then shall your light rise in the darkness
   and your gloom be as the noonday.
¹¹And the LORD will guide you continually
   and satisfy your desire in scorched places
   and make your bones strong;
and you shall be like a watered garden,
   like a spring of water,
   whose waters do not fail.

~ Isaiah 58: 5-8,10-11

The month of June will be a "Water" fast

No, not just drinking water... but when i drink something, it will be water... no pop, no coke, no frappacinos, no lemonade, no coffee, no alcohol... just water.

·       drink water instead of pop, lemonade, coffee, alcohol, etc

o   every time I drink water, remember to pray for those who have no water

o   every time I drink a glass of water/ every time i crave another type of drink ask God to give me a deeper thirst for Him

·       donate whatever money I would have spent on that drink i am choosing not to drink to WorldVision to help bring drinking water to those in need 

·       memorize verses on

o   thirsting for God

o   giving to the poor

Maybe this won't be a big challenge for you. i want to try to drink more water anyway - but it is still hard for me to resist other drinks... and even though i don't often choose to buy a pop, i still think about it... now when those cravings come i will pray and instead of hording that money i am saving for myself or using it on myself, i want to give it away.

The idea is, i will restrict myself, so i can give away to others... and also to develop my thirst for God.

That may not produce a whole lot of extra money, so maybe i will consider other things, like donating additional money for each bottle/glass of water i drink

i hope you will join me.
i believe as we give away, we will experience joy and experience the Lord.
Jesus said "It is more blessed to give than receive"
i know i enjoy receiving, so i can imagine how good giving can be.
As we give to the poor, we honor Christ and we reflect Christ's heart and attitude- esp to those receiving His love & blessing.
We do have an obligation to give & to help the poor if we are going to follow Christ.

And be giving away money, we are investing in eternal rewards and keeping our heart from treasuring wealth & stuff more than Christ.

i also will be praying for a deeper thirst for Jesus and think this fast will also show me how much i trun to other things -even a drink- more than i turn to Jesus.

 ¹ "Come, everyone who thirsts,
   come to the waters;
and he who has no money,
    come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
   without money and without price.
² Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,
   and your labor for that which does not satisfy?
Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,
   and delight yourselves in rich food.
³Incline your ear, and come to me;
    hear, that your soul may live;

~ Isaiah 55:1-3